It has been a little more than a year since I last wrote a blog. In my defense, I believe I was busy being a hero- flopping my proverbial cape and saving the most vulnerable youth in our society. Each time I ascended, people would look at me and lives would be positively impacted and once more I used my powers to write HOPE in the clouds and give young people something to look up to and be empowered. Yea me! Supergirl!
With Heroes Week on the horizon and Mental Health Week on our hands, I decided to open the lead box , reveal the kryptonite and become a bit vulnerable. Being a hero is fun, you get a chance to change lives, to put smiles on peoples’ faces, to give people a second chance and to bring hope. That’s the good part, because as a human being, you feel fulfilled and sometimes like your life has some real purpose. I see other young heroes like myself and watch in amazement as the work they do is recognized and rewarded with trips and money and awards and it does two things. 1. It inspires me to continue working harder as I see that there is still more to do. 2. It demotivates me, as some of these people do very little and are rewarded and are given major opportunities to impact more lives and I am over here like- Bruh!
This hero duty isn’t for everyone and I recognize that. I do it because I love it- but it gets heavy sometimes. Sometimes the proverbial cape seems to materialize into a heaviness felt in the heart when you have been dealing with people who have many issues and you have no one to turn to for help.It gets heavier when you are doing all you can and it isn’t enough or the support isn’t there to make things happen.
It gets lonely when your contact list is filled with associates, professional contacts and people you help and no one to just call and say hello to (except of course, your mom- who you totally have a co-dependent relationship with and heaven knows that’s not healthy), because your 2 friends are superheroes too and are busy saving the world.
Being a hero isn’t about being a hero for everyone else, but being an advocate for yourself first then for others. Being a hero is acknowledging your feelings, recognizing that you can’t help everyone and avoid things and people that make you sad. It has been over a year that I have been battling major depression and anxiety. One thing that has been giving me major panic attacks and insomnia among other things is writing! Can you believe it? Before I was a lazy writer. I wrote when I felt like and would let neurosis kick in that the content wasn’t good enough etc. Now, thinking of writing makes me sick. Blame it on repression and other things Freud would have the answer to.
So being a hero for myself starting this week is enrolling in therapy, doing things I used to find fun and doing things that need to be done- even if they make me sick for a while- like writing ( even if it sounds like babbling for now and follows no writing rules or have no scholarly sources to support my claims).
I hope you will join me on this journey to mental wellness, overcoming fears and more while I continue this hero mission…